We all deserve to loosen the expectations of friendship and free ourselves of the guilt of what we “should” be doing as friends. Texts are going to go unanswered, the balance of giving and taking might temporarily tip, and we will not always be able to offer the support we wish we could give. We are in the middle of a literal pandemic. We are all just trying our best.
How to Stay connected During the Pandemic
Reach out to that friend that you have not heard from in a few months or years. This is the perfect time to reach out and say hello and check on them.
Zoom and FaceTime Calls
Game Night or Watch Party on Zoom
Driveway Hangout with 6-8 feet apart
Ask friends to attend a class or event virtually; then virtually hang out after and talk about it.
How to Make Friends as an Adult
Focus on it being a positive experience
Pencil it in on your calendar
Make a list of potential friends – consider neighbors and co-workers
Accept invites
Try new things. Go somewhere new alone and talk to people.
Social Media
Attend a gym and talk to people.
Go to networking and meet up events with people with the same interests as you.
Join a book club
Attend religious events
Volunteer at your kids’ school or events
How to Maintain Friendships or Reconnect with Your Friends
Reach out to them with a text or call.
Do not worry about how long it has been. Be persistent but not pushy. It is a 2-way street.
Realize that they may not be the same person and decide if you want to pursue it or not.
Realize that you do not have to see each other every day or week or even year, and you can still be friends.
Mark it on your calendar- make sure that you make time for friends. Commit to it.
Take a minute even when you are tired to meet up for dinner or lunch. You must make the time and sometimes you must be the one to reach out first.
Remember to not only talk about the past, but make new memories, too.
“A study from the University of Utah shows that all those little bits and pieces of exercise you do throughout the day can add up to something big. In fact, even a single “brisk” minute of moving can have a noticeable impact.”
Benefits of Short Exercises
1. Short bursts keep your heart rate up throughout the day and helps your metabolism work more often.
2. These short bursts help with appetite control.
3. A little is better than nothing. Every bit of movement is great for your body.
4. Balances cardio, strength and stretching.
5. Helps regulate blood sugar.
6. Helps focus and reduces headaches.
7. Increases heart rate throughout the day.
If you can get these short exercises to add up to 100 minutes per day, then it will also decrease mortality rates and obesity in the individual by up to 75%.
Ways to Fit Exercise into your Schedule
Use commercial breaks on television shows as time to get up and move or dance.
Get up and dance to the kitchen to do laundry. Move that booty.
Set a reminder on your phone or Fitbit.
Tabata – 20 seconds fast, 10 seconds rest
Walk and take the stairs any time that you can. Park far away.
Use tasks like standing in line or brushing your teeth to do calf raises.
Use your kids to lift weights and have fun at the same time.
Desk Exercises are great- Chair Yoga.
Bed Exercises and Stretching.
Stand up to take phone calls or better yet go see your coworker (non -Covid time).
Cleaning your house is a great exercise.
Play with pets and take them for a walk.
Equipment
1. You do not have to have special equipment to do many exercises.
2. There are many free videos on YouTube.
3. Dance, move, and have fun. That is all there is to it.
4. Get outside. Take a moment to really walk or do things the “less convenient” way.
According to the Meno Clinic, invading someone’s personal space causes stress and anxiety. We are not okay with strangers being in our space. It causes us to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Usually we feel better with family being in our space; but what about family members always being in our space? Do we need space from them, too? The answer is YES.
“Stress causes over 75-90 percent of the doctor’s visits and illnesses that we encounter. Over time, stress can become chronic and has been linked to a host of major illnesses, including heart disease, cancer, depression, autoimmune diseases and reproductive problems, along with more minor maladies like stomach upset, back pain, headaches and fatigue. So, if your space is constantly being invaded, and you have no place to go for a moment of solitude, your mental and physical health could be at risk. Your relationships can also suffer if neither partner has room to grow independently in a space, they can call their own.”
So, what about social distancing and the fact now that we are either working from home or are in solitude at our office?
“There are downsides though – the toll of too much personal space could manifest within our friendships, so says Professor Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist, of the University of Oxford. “Our whole evolutionary strategy is built upon communal sharing as a cost of survival and successful reproduction, essentially,” Dunbar tells me. “So, everything we do is, in those terms, designed to create an efficient working community. We are still very dependent on that. And our social world is still very, very small.”
We depend on physical contact, he says, to maintain friendships and relationships. His prior – widely reported – research shows that we have a maximum of 150, a mix of friends and acquaintances. More personal space means that the “decay rate” on these friendships is at an all-time high. “There’s something about the importance of eye contact in these relationships that just can’t be replicated,” he says.”
How do we balance the social distancing, the need for being around others, and the solitude of our own space?
You trust yourself. If you feel the stress or fears of being around people right now, find a place at work or at home where you can make your own place. We will talk more about this in a minute.
If you feel like you want to be around people, then plan a family night at home; or, Zoom or Facetime some friends. We will talk more about this in another lesson.
But the key is to listen to your body’s reactions. When you are anxious or nervous, ask “why”? Gauge how much you have been around people.
Ask families to help with social boundaries and private time. We will be discussing this in more detail in this next lesson.
Know what you want, ask for it, and set your boundaries.
How Do You Create Your Own Personal Get Away?
Have each family member pick their own special place, and when they get stressed or just want to get away, then it is agreed that no one will bother them. There must be time limits for both adults and kids. If someone begins to isolate or stay away too long, then this must be addressed. A perfect thing is to plan a family night, parent night without the kids, kids’ choice night, mommy and son, daddy and daughter, and “Me” Night. Be creative and have fun with it. Switch it up. This may simply be 30 minutes to an hour, but each person has a special night.
Now, find a space for you. It depends upon how big your home is and how many people are in your family. I have a friend who has a hall closet and the sign says Mommy’s Room and when she goes in there to read no one bothers her. It can be a porch swing, a bubble bath, or an area sectioned off with a curtain. It may also be as large as a room, a tent in the backyard, or a loft area. It all has to do with you making do with what you have.
How long do you stay in the room? You set the parameters. 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour? A Day to Yourself?
If you are in a relationship, be careful that this is not where you go ALL the time or when you are mad. This should be a space that brings you joy. Balance your relationship and time together, plus have time apart. Both are needed.
Decorate it for you. Keep a journal, pen, a book, and flashlight there for you to write or read. Do you do crafts? Is this a craft room? What about video games and entertainment? Do you have a favorite chair? Pillow? How do you keep it quiet for you?
Do you collect things? I collect books and graphic novels and movies… Create a space for each of those and enjoy them in that area. My comic books and yoga books are in my front room. Funny combination, right? They are beside my Thai mat and that is where I lay to read. I do have bookshelves in my kitchen. That is my collection of Harry Potter and other fiction. I do more projects at my kitchen table than eating. My workout room has my work out books, logs, how to’s, and things like that. I have my spiritual books in a private closet that no one can see, and my self-care books are in a bookshelf in my bedroom so I can read before I go to bed. Make it yours.
Inspire your kids to collect and have a special area for it. My now 27-year-old son had Pokémon, Yu Gi Oh, and other cards. They would be everywhere until I bought a card table and big tub– I told him that this was his Poke world. He would go there for fun and when he got stressed. He still has that table and the cards in his apartment. Always include your children. They mimic us in both the bad and the good we do. If we set the example, they will understand the rules and will be less likely to invade our space.
Here is a book suggestion How to Make a House a Home: Creating a Purposeful, Personal Space Hardcover – April 14, 2020 by Ariel Kaye. Available on amazon https://amzn.to/2YZNN41
Angels are in every culture in various forms and many today state that they believe in angels. The practice of communicating with angels have increased over the last decade and may be seen in the various meditations, Reiki session, Intuitive Readings and more show this.
There are 14 main Archangels as well as the other hierarchy of angels. I love working with the archangels so much that I do meditations, reiki sessions, and even teach online classes that certify you to do the same. The course book is here.
Free: Meeting Your Angels Guided Meditation and Journaling Class with Bertena Varney November 18 at 7:00pm CT.
But, on Wednesday November 18 at 7:00pm CT on Zoom I will introduce you to the various angels and their energy that I work with in My Angel Reiki Sessions and Angel Realm Readings. I will then guide you through a meditation for you to meet the beautiful angels that walk with you each day. I will assist you in speaking with them and hearing any messages that they may wish to send to you. I will also be beaming you distant angel reiki during the session. The class will end with you journaling your experiences and if you so desire, share them with others. This meditation is very peaceful and brings many people the answers they they are searching for. Bring a journal! or pen and paper! Cosmic Connections in Nashville will be giving away:
A New You Self Care Center 